3 words: I HATE IT.

I'm not entirely sure how to formulate my thoughts on the subject right now because I have so many opinions and emotions running through my head. It's difficult to organize what I want to say. But here goes nothing.
  • Why, oh WHY do I only attract boys that are my height or shorter? I want to look UP to you, not feel like if I put on a 1 inch heel that I'll tower over you. Grow a foot, please, then come back.
  • Actually, don't come back. None of you are cute anyway.
  • I kind of want to wear a sign that flashes "I'm NOT flirting with you! I'm just a nice person who doesn't know how to flip the switch off!"
  • I really don't like going on dates. In fact, I dread them. I also dread when I know the words "So, what are you doing on Friday?" are coming. I wish I could just disappear right then.
  • How do I tell someone nicely that I don't like them? I'm a chicken. Last time I did it was over text. Shallow, I know. I wish I was more brave and less afraid of hurting someone.
  • Can I wear another sign that says "I have a missionary, I do NOT want to talk to you." Please?
  • Along those lines, I already have a best friend. I have someone who already loves me and whom I love. I find it rather pointless to go on dates when I already have that. Why try again? Start at ground zero? It took us two years to get to this point. I'd rather stick with what I have than go through all that time to make a new best friend.
  • I wish that when I am sitting alone somewhere that I had a neon sign that says "Leave me alone. I don't want to talk to you." But no, apparently my headphones and staring at the computer screen with a textbook and notebooks sitting next to me AND completely avoiding eye contact aren't enough.
  • Sometimes I really hate the university I attend because everyone (all the girls) have to look so much prettier than me all the time. I feel like they get all the attention from the cute boys. I feel like I'd have an easier time liking someone and being willing to go on a date with them if they're cute. Guess I have to get them to look at me first.

I know this post may seem very pessimistic and unnecessary. I do have to say this: that I wouldn't mind dating. I wouldn't mind having a boyfriend because frankly, it sucks to have your best friend halfway across the world. I'll be the first one to admit I miss holding hands, cuddling and things like that. I'd like to find that again. But it seems rather impossible seeing as I've only been attracting short, unattractive nerds.

Does that sound completely wrong? Rude? Offensive? Maybe. But I really just needed to get that out.

I miss having all the things that dating and having a best friend brings. It seems like a daunting task to start all over with someone else when I know I have what other people spend forever looking for.

I think that's all I had to say. This may be updated, so check back to see if it is. Thanks for listening to me rant.


  1. Dating can be hard! :( Sorry you hate it so much. I do have one piece of advice, if you want to stop getting the "nerds" attention I would stop wearing my head phones and staring at the computer screen. That's how most online games are played and they are probably just wondering what game it is you're into. (Trust me, I know from experience!) Hahaha!!! ;)

  2. I think we all think that people date, and really just a few do. Also, I think you're fabulous. (That was a lot of thinking going on. :) ) I bet you will be asked out soon. You are one of the prettiest Strawberry-blonde I know. So, no worries, I bet all the cute boys just don't know how to talk to a pretty/smart girl like you.

  3. NESSA. I feel the EXACT same way!!!!! and it's even worse because I know he's coming home this year so I have no desire to talk to or go out with boys. At all. When I do get asked out, I literally HATE every second of it. I just think of Kyle every second I'm with other boys. Plus the only guys who ask me out are SUPER mega awkward or nerdy. The End. I don't get normal guys asking me out. Ever. hahahahaha We need to hang out!!!! I miss you. Love you!! I'm glad we can relate here. :)

  4. Oh and whenever I tell other people this they always seem to bash on me and think I'm a horrible person. They say I need to get out and date. Why date if no other guy even comes CLOSE to comparing to the boy I still am in love with? :) I've also been reprimanded for comparing him to other boys. I see NO reason why that is a bad idea, because I shouldn't be settling for less anyways! He set the bar so high. :) You can do it girl. :)