thoughts.

This will be in no way organized because I just don't have time. But I need to say something somewhere to anyone who will read.

Having a missionary is draining. Hard work. An emotional rollercoaster. Something I'm not sure why I agreed to. Overwhelming. Frustrating. Lonely. Very lonely.

Sending off a best friend, who isn't said "missionary" but someone whom you love dearly is equally as difficult as previously said.

Often times I just want to give up. I'm sick of goodbyes. I'm sick of dreaming of past memories. I want those experiences back and at my fingertips. It's frustrating and sad to know that they'll never come back but only fade away with time. That things won't be the same. That friends will drift apart and leave you behind. It's just plain HARD.

This morning I was able to attend the temple with one of my best friends who is departing for the MTC tomorrow. Just me and him. Family file names. All 25 of them completed. We sat close to each other, he would put his hand on my back, I would hold onto his arm as we walked in the snow. It's safe to say I love him.

He will be a wonderful missionary.

But sometimes, I wish goodbye and being separated wasn't necessary.

It's okay to say I've been crying a whole lot these past few days.

Out of sadness and happiness. Out of reminiscing in memories. Out of love.

Good luck, Elder Driggs. I know you'll do great things.

See you in 2.

ups and downs.

Just 7 hours ago I was hysterical, crying in his shoulder.

I don't say much at dinner anymore and left the table about to burst into tears when my mom asked me to dust (I mean come on, dust?? Kinda ridiculous)

I started on homework trying not to think about things.

I got distracted (don't we all?) and got on facebook.

I saw that Elder Kyle Clements had posted a new letter.

I read it.

I read the previous one.

And the previous one.

etc. etc.

And then looked at his mission pictures.

Oh man did I get excited for my Elder to get out there!!

Now I'm as happy as can be.

What the heck???

Roller coasters make me exhausted.

overwhelmed.

College is kind of a big deal.

I came home today and crashed, with no real intentions of doing much homework.

Hey, no one gets good grades in college anyways, right?

So why try?

Not such a great mindset if you ask me. But I'll deal.

This week has been extremely emotional for me.

I cry every single day.

And usually cry on the walk to the bus stop, during the 1 hour bus ride, and the 20 minute walk to my first class. Luckily the ride at home is a lot more dry. But I cry all the time it seems.

I cry because I don't feel ready to be at college.

I don't feel ready to be left alone with out a best friend and needing to face those dreadful 2 years without him by my side (granted he doesn't leave for 2 months. but still).

I don't know anyone in my classes at BYU. There's just too many people and not enough chances to see those I do know.

I feel completely wasted by the time I get home from school that my emotions are awry anyways.

I feel like I'm rambling. I guess that's what 3 hours of reading will do to you.

But chocolate ice cream was a good reward for finishing.

Cheers.

*I hate this time of the month*