thoughts.

This will be in no way organized because I just don't have time. But I need to say something somewhere to anyone who will read.

Having a missionary is draining. Hard work. An emotional rollercoaster. Something I'm not sure why I agreed to. Overwhelming. Frustrating. Lonely. Very lonely.

Sending off a best friend, who isn't said "missionary" but someone whom you love dearly is equally as difficult as previously said.

Often times I just want to give up. I'm sick of goodbyes. I'm sick of dreaming of past memories. I want those experiences back and at my fingertips. It's frustrating and sad to know that they'll never come back but only fade away with time. That things won't be the same. That friends will drift apart and leave you behind. It's just plain HARD.

This morning I was able to attend the temple with one of my best friends who is departing for the MTC tomorrow. Just me and him. Family file names. All 25 of them completed. We sat close to each other, he would put his hand on my back, I would hold onto his arm as we walked in the snow. It's safe to say I love him.

He will be a wonderful missionary.

But sometimes, I wish goodbye and being separated wasn't necessary.

It's okay to say I've been crying a whole lot these past few days.

Out of sadness and happiness. Out of reminiscing in memories. Out of love.

Good luck, Elder Driggs. I know you'll do great things.

See you in 2.

kortrijk, belgium

Even though his flight from London to Amsterdam was cancelled due to fog, he made it to his destination safely! I am so happy that he made it there in one piece. He's probably dead tired after 24 hours of travel, but I know they'll put him to work quickly and he'll adjust.

He is so incredibly excited to get to work. He is a dedicated young man that will do everything he is asked with strict obedience. I am so proud of what he has accomplished so far! And I can't wait to see what he will do on his mission.

But I'm FREAKING out. I mean, my best friend is halfway across the world. Living in a different country... on a different continent. I can't help but fry my brain thinking about "what's he doing now?" "what's he saying?" "is he okay?" "how was his first day knocking on doors?" "who is he talking to and associating with?" How do I know he still exists with all these questions in my mind? I guess this will have to do for now:

I love you Elder Stoddard!

happy birthday to me.

The semi-bad:

Not being with your family until 5 pm because they have church at 9 and you have church at 1 but have rehearsals at noon and right after church.

It's a Sunday.

Your best friend isn't around to help celebrate.

The good?:

Mom's amaaaaaaaazing dinner. Yum!

Presents! So blessed!

Watching the Amazing Race.

Being one year older. Woohoo! Last teenage year, bring it on!

Now go take on finals week.

That's the biggest BAD of them all.

Here we go!