thoughts.

This will be in no way organized because I just don't have time. But I need to say something somewhere to anyone who will read.

Having a missionary is draining. Hard work. An emotional rollercoaster. Something I'm not sure why I agreed to. Overwhelming. Frustrating. Lonely. Very lonely.

Sending off a best friend, who isn't said "missionary" but someone whom you love dearly is equally as difficult as previously said.

Often times I just want to give up. I'm sick of goodbyes. I'm sick of dreaming of past memories. I want those experiences back and at my fingertips. It's frustrating and sad to know that they'll never come back but only fade away with time. That things won't be the same. That friends will drift apart and leave you behind. It's just plain HARD.

This morning I was able to attend the temple with one of my best friends who is departing for the MTC tomorrow. Just me and him. Family file names. All 25 of them completed. We sat close to each other, he would put his hand on my back, I would hold onto his arm as we walked in the snow. It's safe to say I love him.

He will be a wonderful missionary.

But sometimes, I wish goodbye and being separated wasn't necessary.

It's okay to say I've been crying a whole lot these past few days.

Out of sadness and happiness. Out of reminiscing in memories. Out of love.

Good luck, Elder Driggs. I know you'll do great things.

See you in 2.

no one said it would be easy.

I feel like the last few days have been bombarded with one word:

mission.

Everyone and their dog is getting their call, farewells seem to be every Sunday, and lives are going separate ways.

I've grown up all my life being so proud of missionaries and what they do. It never used to bother me to hear the word.

And it still shouldn't.

But every time that word is said or someone posts about their call on facebook,

I get sick.

I never thought it would be so hard to see someone else so excited to serve. He's so excited and because of that, it just makes the whole thing worse. I know he's not excited to leave me, but of course that's what it seems like.

I'm trying to be positive--trying to support him and be excited for him too.

I know it's the right thing, I know, but it's hard to let your best friend go.

His call should come in the next few weeks.

I feel like at that point, there's going to be a wall between us.

I feel it coming.

And I'm scared.

Scared to go on without him--the one who's always by my side helping me through everything. The one who knows all about me and more. The one I love most.

Because of this, I'm starting to hate missions.

I know I shouldn't, but hey, who can help it when it's going to take your best friend?

The perfect day.

First of all, I've decided that I absolutely LOVE teaching violin. Much more than piano. I'm so glad I got two violin students for the summer!

Date 1 (the real one):

Consisted of being picked up in his sky blue 1990 Honda Civic. We drove to his house, piled two kayaks on to this tiny Civic and one canoe on his Suburban, and headed up the windy roads into the beautiful nature that surrounds us, aka AF canyon. We parked at the nearly overflowing Tibble Fork Reservoir, and exited the car and were welcomed by gusts of cold wind. We unloaded. We carried everything down. And he and I went first, he insisting we use the kayaks. Out on the lake, we discussed things. He discovered my love for longboarding and said we're going to go soon. I cannot wait! After heading to shore, we ate some lunch. Yes, the boys had packed a picnic. Ham and cheese sandwiches! Mmmm. I actually like those. And Oreos are always a must!

I'm rather impressed by this young man. He had been promising me a date for months now and finally, after enough razzing, he took me out. It was absolutely the most pleasant date I have been on. He even made sure I got home early enough to make it to work on time. What a gentleman! Thank you, Kyle, for a marvelous date! And now, we must longboard :)

Date 2 (the spontaneous one):

Began with a jam session. It had been a long time since we had jammed last. Again, he amazed me with his incredible talent. He played and I sat and listened. He taught me how to improvise better. He showed me how to increase my ability with perfect pitch. He quizzed me to see how close I could get. I only missed one and even got F#! After jamming, we got in his truck. By this time, it was 10:00 at night, maybe a little too late to begin a date, but whatever :) We headed to Wendy's for frosties and fries. After purchasing our wonderful meal, we drove to the AF cemetery (of all places!) and parked to enjoy. We talked. We talked about everything. There was never a dull or silent moment. We laughed. We got serious. After about 15 minutes, he drove me to his house and escorted me (yes, escorted!) to my car. We talked for a few more minutes, and then I left.

Thank you, Matt, for making our evening a spontaneous date. Thanks for jamming with me and being my inspiration in piano. I am so excited I got to go on at least one date before you leave on your mission next week, and I'm so excited for you to go out! You'll be a fantastic missionary. Thank you for everything you have been to me--an inspiration and a great friend.

Wow, who ever thought to score two dates in one day? I feel very blessed and honored to have spent my day with such wonderful boys! Here's to plenty more dates this summer :)