kiwi.

his new little name for me.

I can't help but giggle and grin every time I think about it. He's so cute. :)

what a sweetheart.

I absolutely loved coming home to a letter today! Letters are what keep me going, as tacky as that sounds. But it's true. And the letters honestly get better and better! My love for him grows with each one.

As soon as I opened the mailbox and saw it, I smiled. But when I read the front, I giggled, jumped up and down, and ran back inside to read it. What a sweetheart! He can be so silly sometimes. But hey, I ain't complaining! (and just so you know, he writes spiritual stuff too. Not just mush :))
Also, he is so cute when he writes. The other two pictures are just a few things he said in this letter that I'd like to share. He's a keeper, guys. My best friend. One I love so dearly and am so proud of. He is absolutely wonderful!

Oh, and just so you know (and mainly because I forgot... I'm a slacker, I know) last Thursday was the 3 month mark!! Wahoo! I cannot believe I'm here already. But so glad to be. Here's to the next 21! He's so worth it. 100 days down is coming up next.

:)

one of these days

I'm going to run the post so that my letter gets to a certain someone. Today I got the 3rd letter in two weeks. That kid is punctual, guys. And my letter STILL hasn't gotten there yet. I sent it a week and a half ago. His get here in 3-4 days. WHY? My boy needs to hear from me! He's going crazy! According to his letters at least. Love him.

i love mondays

Picture of the day (and maybe ALL TIME):

Mondays, although they are the first day of the school/work week and SUCK, are made so much better by this handsome guy right here! He writes on Mondays! Ah. I love it.

NERVOUS

I get to talk to my best friend today!!

He will call while he has a layover in Dallas. After that layover, he flies the whole night to London and then takes another flight into Amsterdam and will make it there about 11:15 (their time, about 3:15 our time) and then he will quickly begin his mission in the field.

His family invited me over when he calls.

I couldn't sleep AT ALL last night.

And honestly?

I've never been so nervous to talk to him in my entire life.

and so it ends

The first semester of "higher education,"

...

the first time not going to school at dear old AF High

...

making memories with the incredible friends whom I love and miss so much.

...

And so ends the first time being in classes with over 100, and occasionally 600, people.

...

The first semester where grades didn't matter to me so much

...

where I learned what it was like not to always do well

...

and I got my first C.

...

And so ends the semester of way too many tears

...

prayers of despair and loneliness

...

and facades to hide the hurt I was feeling.

...

So ends the semester of losing my best friend

...

to the Lord

...

but still feeling hurt and sadness.

And here's to the beginning of a new semester.

One in which I will try even harder to do my best.

One where I'll study more because I actually know what I'm doing

because I've done it before.

And so begins a semester for which I'll enjoy being on campus because my best friend will no longer be a 5 minute walk away yet there is a bajillion feet high brick wall separating us.

A semester where we'll both be living the lives we're supposed to live yet remaining best friends.

And so begins a semester of living in a new home away from home.

Where I'll be on my own.

Living the life of a college student.

Living like a real adult.

Buying my own food.

Going to bed whenever I want.

Doing whatever I please whenever I please.

And best of all?

Writing my own, new story.

milestones!

It's kind of a late post, but I've been super busy lately! Anyways, moving on.

It's official:

I'm into the 600's!

And in the 90's!

Milestones are great to hit :) That's for sure! It makes it seem like I'm making progress. Even though I feel like I'm hardly making a dent in the 2 year process now... but it'll all add up! I'm excited to work for this. It'll be hard, but the end result is going to make it all worth. Even if things don't work out, I'll know I didn't waste these two years and spent them being and having the best friend anyone could ever ask for. And that's good enough for me :)

this week.

Full of ups and downs, for sure.

My mom and I have been on the hunt for items for my new apartment--aka real world stuff like pots, pans, mixing bowls, measuring cups, cutting boards, etc. Mainly kitchen stuff since I have basically everything else I need to move out.

Yep.

To move out.

Needless to say, I'm a little nervous to leave the comforts of my own home! But I know it's for the best because I won't have to be called around 11 o'clock and be asked when I'm coming home. So ready to be done with that.

The past few days have been rough. I mean, I've passed the one month mark, so that's exciting, right? Well, yeah. But it's also depressing because it's making me realize how long of a time I have left until I see my best friend. I've cried a lot lately. I've thought about how it doesn't seem real that he won't be showing up at my door with his funky two-sounding knock with his mexi-truck parked out front. It's so weird that he's not mine anymore, that things have changed so much and will never go back to how they used to be.

I miss my best friend and reality is hitting me.

I can't wait for this to get easier.

three weeks.

You know, it was really odd. I opened my blog and saw that it had been 21 days since I'd been with my best friend. 3 weeks guys! And then I looked up at the clock... it was 1:25. On the dot. Do you know what 1:25 means? Niall entered the MTC at 1:25 (that was his scheduled time).

So.

That basically means that at the precise moment I opened my blog, my eyes somehow decided to migrate to the clock, making that distinct moment EXACTLY 3 weeks since he left. ON. THE. DOT.

How often does that happen?

I just kinda got creeped out for a second. But in a good way of course!

Happy 3 weeks :)

just a little somethin' somethin'

I figured I gotta take advantage of same-day shipping (and cheap, for that matter) to the MTC from any UPS in Utah! This week is Thanksgiving and I thought I'd spoil my bff who is working so hard in the MTC and learning a lot by sending him a package!

These are some of his favorite foods/candy.

Also, I recently did my hair different and thought he should see! So I'm sending two pictures that my mom took of me {mainly cause I couldn't decide which I liked better} as well as a picture from his farewell that he hasn't seen yet.

And I threw in some cinnamon&sugar almonds just cause they're delicious!

Here ya go, babe. Enjoy :)

This is what it'll look like when he opens it!! hehe :)

Please ignore the fact that there's two of this picture... I couldn't figure out how to get it off!

check it.

So, as you all know, I have a missionary! And some of you probably don't know too much about him and us, so check out a new page I made! It introduces him and us!

And look at the last picture first. It's the best :)

And if you want to get a glimpse of him and his personality, check this out too!

weekly gratitude.

It's been awhile! But here it goes:

{1} My bishop. The Atonement. The Gospel. It's true, folks!

{2} My musical talent. I accompanied for 2 ward choir practices, played the organ in my singles ward, and the piano in relief society! BAM baby!

{3} My best friend. And letters. And his example. He's the best.

{4} My mom's delicious food! Mmmm Sunday dinners.

{5} Mr. Weyand's AP Language class. And the 11 page research paper I wrote for it. Ha.

{6} Good friends that know how to listen.

{7} Money! For gas and BYU bookstore attire. Gotta love BYU sweats :)

{8} The MTC. For taking good care of my man.

{9} My neighbor who I just found out today (as I was helping her in nursery... haha that's what I get for going back to visit my home ward!) that she waited for her husband on his mission! Even though she's married and has 5 kids, I can go over whenever to talk to her!

{10} My family. I love living at home.

silly boy.

One of the last things he said to me was "Expect a letter on Tuesday!"

Oh boy, I thought. My very first letter!

Yesterday, I was antsy all day and for some reason pictured myself coming home to a letter on my kitchen table, on my place, with my name on it.

That didn't happen. And I didn't expect it to.

But it was supposed to come today. He said so!

I came home from work all excited, though my mom said the mailman doesn't usually come until after noon, and it was just about noon at the time. I slammed my car door shut and practically ran to the mailbox when I got home, just in case. I opened it. There was mail in there! Yeah! I sorted through it, and found nothing to me.

So the whole getting the mail experience went something like this:

Hopefully it won't be like this tomorrow.

i miss him.

ups and downs.

Just 7 hours ago I was hysterical, crying in his shoulder.

I don't say much at dinner anymore and left the table about to burst into tears when my mom asked me to dust (I mean come on, dust?? Kinda ridiculous)

I started on homework trying not to think about things.

I got distracted (don't we all?) and got on facebook.

I saw that Elder Kyle Clements had posted a new letter.

I read it.

I read the previous one.

And the previous one.

etc. etc.

And then looked at his mission pictures.

Oh man did I get excited for my Elder to get out there!!

Now I'm as happy as can be.

What the heck???

Roller coasters make me exhausted.

him.

Yesterday, he got his suits. A few days ago he went through the temple.

Reality is hitting me. I'm losing my best friend for 2 whole years.

2 freaking years! That's such a long time.

We've been together for 2 years. We have two weeks left together. And then the next 2 years of our relationship will be spent apart.

I cannot tell you how scared I am.

But I came to a realization the other day... And it was a rather smack in the face.

For the longest time I had been complaining that he was leaving and I kept telling him I didn't want him to go and leave me behind.

I didn't want to support something that was going to separate us.

And I still don't. But I need to.

And for some reason, it's getting easier.

I mean, come on. LOOK AT HIM! Granted, he's making a silly face, but oh my gosh he's so attractive to me.

As soon as I saw this I burst out into tears because I was so proud of him and so excited for him to serve. I know he's excited beyond belief and I need to try to support him even though it's hard.

Seeing this picture made me sad, but also brought great comfort to me.

He's going to be serving the Lord.

The Lord will protect him in every aspect.

He will grow so much (and I'm hoping I can grow enough that he wants me when he gets back...) and have the greatest experiences that he won't receive anywhere else.

I'm happy for him.

Even though it's hard for me to say that, I need to.

He is my best friend. And I need to treat him like that.

I need to support him no matter what.

No matter how hard it will be for me and how much I will have to bite my tongue.

He loves me. And I love him.

And think about it: He serves the Lord for two years and then when he gets back, I get him for eternity. Eternity, people.

{if all works out like I would like it to. fingers crossed!!}

I love him.

weekly gratitude.

I'm gonna be quick here because my time with him is short and it's really inhibiting my ability to be happy and find the positives in life. It's hard. But here we go.

I'm thankful for:

{1} My mom's artisan bread. Um. Absolutely divine. So glad I still live at home!

{2} My geography TA's who put on an amazing review session that helped me get the grade I did on my midterm (89% baby... highest score yet!!)

{3} Good friends and football games

{4} My fellow ward members. Even though I don't know any of them, their testimonies are inspiring.

{5} My down comforter. Ah. Finally put it on and it's so comfortable and makes sleeping in my dungeon room more bearable in the cold weather.

That's about it, guys. I need to get better at this.

3 weeks left.

the kid i can't stop thinking about.

Hiking Mt. Timpanogos, Summer 2011.

I love him with all my heart.

{please ignore the fact that this was around 7:30 in the am after hiking since 1:00 earlier that morning. We were dirty, exhausted, and well, pretty much dead. But it was so fun.}

pity party.

I don't know how anyone does it.

I mean come on. Send off your best friend for a whole 2 years? No face to face contact for 24 months? 730 days without your best friend by your side every day to calm your fears?

It makes me cry every time I think about it.

I know I have about a month left with him, but that's nothing compared to how long he'll be away.

I'm still having a hard time getting used to it and believing that it's the right thing for him to do.

But I honestly just can't stand thinking about the fact he's completely shut out from the world and from me especially. It hurts me to see him so excited to leave because it seems like he's excited to leave me.

I know he's not. It just seems like it.

My mind is in a haze and has been the past two months. Time needs to slow down. I need my sweetheart longer. I never want him to leave.

Oh MG's, how do you do it?

didn't I tell you?

Remember Jared? Yeah, we met up and he bought me a Jamba Juice. yadayadayada

You've heard that one.

But now there's a new kid in town.

His name is Jordan.

What's with all the J names??

Hey, his middle name is James so that means something, right?

Anywho, moving on.

Sunday, I went to church. I came home and immediately dropped my skirt and put on my most comfortable sweats. It was not an hour later when the doorbell rings. No big deal, right? People always come over on a Sunday.

HA.

My dad walks down the stairs:

"Vanessa, Jordan's here for you."

Me (thinking what the heck?): "Dad, I don't know a Jordan..."

Dad: "Blonde hair, blue eyes...?"

Me: "Nope."

Dad: "Well come up anyways!"

I trudge upstairs in totally mismatched clothes to see a stranger standing in my doorway.

Jordan: "Hi Vanessa, my name is Jordan."

Tell me something I don't know.

Long story short, he asked me on a date.

I've never met him before in my life. Granted, I've seen him at church (he's in my singles ward) but I didn't even know his name.

And now I'm going on a date with him.

The stories keep getting better and better...

Stay tuned! I'm pretty sure I'll have something more exciting next week.