pity party.

I don't know how anyone does it.

I mean come on. Send off your best friend for a whole 2 years? No face to face contact for 24 months? 730 days without your best friend by your side every day to calm your fears?

It makes me cry every time I think about it.

I know I have about a month left with him, but that's nothing compared to how long he'll be away.

I'm still having a hard time getting used to it and believing that it's the right thing for him to do.

But I honestly just can't stand thinking about the fact he's completely shut out from the world and from me especially. It hurts me to see him so excited to leave because it seems like he's excited to leave me.

I know he's not. It just seems like it.

My mind is in a haze and has been the past two months. Time needs to slow down. I need my sweetheart longer. I never want him to leave.

Oh MG's, how do you do it?

Missing you.

No, this post isn't about him. It's about another guy. A guy I've known for way too long. A guy I've laughed at from a distance and eventually laughed with as we sat next to each other in orchestra.

Four years is a long time to sit next to the same person.

But honestly, I wouldn't have wanted to spend it with anyone else. I miss everything about it. I miss orchestra.

I miss watching him walk aimlessly around the classroom and eventually make it to his seat.

I miss him grabbing chairs for us.

I miss his "Wait, when is state orchestra?" or "What time do we have to be at the concert?" questions that made me grin.

I miss his insane talent. I always felt small sitting next to him--that he was leagues ahead of me in skill levels.

I miss his awkward personality, his excellent and witty comments, and his half smiles.

I dunno. Maybe this is weird. But I have loved spending 4 years as stand partners with this kid. I've learned to love him and be his friend. I learned that that's what he needed; someone to understand him and be kind to him.

All of a sudden, a few hours ago, he texted me randomly. He said he had issues and was "glued to his phone right now and needed to let off steam and be distracted." The best part? He texted me.

We talked for a while. It was absolutely pleasant.

I'm gonna miss him next year at school. But hey, maybe we'll end up as stand partners sometime along the way :)