detox

Goodbye facebook.
Goodbye twitter.

It was fun while it lasted, but while driving home tonight I realized you're not important. Why did I have them? Honestly, the more I thought about it, the more I began to understand it was to get attention. What did I want attention for? All the wrong reasons. I was posting hurtful and unimportant things that didn't bring me any happiness or gain. It wasn't worth my time.
I'm done being the "I'm going to instagram everything and post it all on facebook and twitter" person that everyone is trying so hard to be. What for? What's the goal in doing that? Nothing. People get too much information on your personal life, something I just realized I don't want.

So I'm saying goodbye to the social hub that is Facebook and twitter.

And this blog will soon die too, I think. Or at least be posted on a lot less. It's just another place I try to get attention from. Not worth it anymore. I'm done sharing everything personal. I'm done with letting my life explode on the Internet. Don't get me wrong, I'll still post sometimes if I feel the need. I mean, I did put a lot of work into this blog... Right?

As for pinterest? It can stay a little while longer.



All I know is I'm going to detox my life. Remove the time wasters and the things that aren't getting me anywhere. I waste so much valuable time on things of no importance. And I think this will definitely help me find who I really am. My life needs to be more simple and not something that is flaunted about. It's getting me nowhere.

I'm done.

Happy birthday, Aubrey!

Remember those cute girls that insisted I be their friend after that one time snowshoeing? And then they invited me over for Sunday dinners and to the midnight showing of Hunger Games? Yes, they're wonderful. And today happened to be Aubrey's birthday! (in the middle). She's such a cute girl. So kind to everyone and always happy. I'm so glad I got to help celebrate! Even if I'm still getting to know these guys.

We started off the night getting dinner at Applebee's! Delicious, for sure. We had planned on going to Divine Comedy, but it started at 8 instead of 7 like we thought. So we just headed back to Aubrey's apartment and had cheesecake and chocolate cake, took pictures, played with streamers, and started watching She's the Man. It was such a fun evening! With great company, too. I'm glad to know such kind people!

Happy birthday, Aubrey!

the missionary, Mondays, + the Book of Mormon

I'll spare you the details by just telling you that this last week was HARD. Plain and simple. It was probably the hardest week I'd gone through since my sweetheart left. Maybe it was because Ben left? Maybe it was because I was over-stressed? Missing home? Missing my friends and the memories? Overwhelmed with the whole "I have 20 more months left of this... Crap." Either way, I cried a whole lot. But moving on. That's enough details. Just remember that I had a hard week.

I sent my sweetheart a quick and short email Sunday night just expressing my feelings. I wanted him to know right away instead of waiting for 2 weeks to find out I was having a hard time. That's the worst, honestly, not having immediate contact. I just wanted him to know.

So I sent him an email.

His reply a mere 5 hours later (3 AM my time) was incredible. It was happy. So happy. It was uplifting. It was loving. But most of all, it was centered around Christ and the Gospel.

One thing he said was: "Remember this: If you ever are struggling, turn to the scriptures. I promise that they will make things better. You'll find happiness through them. Try just opening up and reading a chapter next time you start crying. Remember that faith can give you hope, happiness, love, and can replace any fear or sadness you are feeling. He loves you. I love you."

Isn't this kid just incredible? He has the light of Christ with him, that's for sure. And although my despairs didn't totally dissipate, they were much made lighter and I ended up having a pretty good day, despite the rough and lonely weekend. After coming home, I opened up the windows to let the beautiful sunshine in, put some sweats on, and grabbed my Book of Mormon to read the assignment for the next day, 3 Nephi 13-14. As I was reading, two scriptures stood out. More like screamed at me that the Lord is there, watching out for me. A tender mercy, for sure.

3 Nephi 13:20-21: "But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

Now for you to understand why this is a tender mercy, you must know this: From day 1 of his mission, he has called me his Schatje. Dutch for "little treasure." Get it now?

Man, the Lord is watching out for me.

thoughts.

This will be in no way organized because I just don't have time. But I need to say something somewhere to anyone who will read.

Having a missionary is draining. Hard work. An emotional rollercoaster. Something I'm not sure why I agreed to. Overwhelming. Frustrating. Lonely. Very lonely.

Sending off a best friend, who isn't said "missionary" but someone whom you love dearly is equally as difficult as previously said.

Often times I just want to give up. I'm sick of goodbyes. I'm sick of dreaming of past memories. I want those experiences back and at my fingertips. It's frustrating and sad to know that they'll never come back but only fade away with time. That things won't be the same. That friends will drift apart and leave you behind. It's just plain HARD.

This morning I was able to attend the temple with one of my best friends who is departing for the MTC tomorrow. Just me and him. Family file names. All 25 of them completed. We sat close to each other, he would put his hand on my back, I would hold onto his arm as we walked in the snow. It's safe to say I love him.

He will be a wonderful missionary.

But sometimes, I wish goodbye and being separated wasn't necessary.

It's okay to say I've been crying a whole lot these past few days.

Out of sadness and happiness. Out of reminiscing in memories. Out of love.

Good luck, Elder Driggs. I know you'll do great things.

See you in 2.

music.

As most of you may know, music is my biggest passion. It's incredible how it can touch people's lives and that it can bring about such a wonderful feeling. Music has been known to calm me down after a long stressful day and it helps me cool off some steam. No matter what, I always come away from the piano feeling extremely happy. Without music, I don't know where I'd be. What friends I would have. If I would have ever met my best friend. I would have never had opportunities to play in such venues as the Provo and Salt Lake Tabernacle as well as in Abravanel Hall under prestigious conductors and with such talented musicians. Music has blessed my life so much and in ways I cannot express. It will always be a huge part of my life. No matter what.

Recently I've become rather obsessed with The Piano Guys. And any solo work by Jon Schmidt and Steven Sharp Nelson. Their music is just so happy and uplifting. And also so fun to play! Here's a couple (okay, a lot) of videos that I like of the two of them. It's incredible what they've done!

My child will learn to play the piano like this. No questions asked. :)

And Star Wars, of course.

This one was filmed by an orchestra that is local to me. They're incredible! And I even know a few people in it.

Oh and there's so many more. Go to their youtube page "The Piano Guys" and watch to your heart's content. Really. They are absolutely incredible.

I think music in itself is healing. It's an explosive expression of humanity. It's something we are all touched by. No matter what culture we're from, everyone loves music. - Billy Joel

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. - Victor Hugo

dating.

3 words: I HATE IT.

I'm not entirely sure how to formulate my thoughts on the subject right now because I have so many opinions and emotions running through my head. It's difficult to organize what I want to say. But here goes nothing.

• Why, oh WHY do I only attract boys that are my height or shorter? I want to look UP to you, not feel like if I put on a 1 inch heel that I'll tower over you. Grow a foot, please, then come back.
• Actually, don't come back. None of you are cute anyway.
• I kind of want to wear a sign that flashes "I'm NOT flirting with you! I'm just a nice person who doesn't know how to flip the switch off!"
• I really don't like going on dates. In fact, I dread them. I also dread when I know the words "So, what are you doing on Friday?" are coming. I wish I could just disappear right then.
• How do I tell someone nicely that I don't like them? I'm a chicken. Last time I did it was over text. Shallow, I know. I wish I was more brave and less afraid of hurting someone.
• Can I wear another sign that says "I have a missionary, I do NOT want to talk to you." Please?
• Along those lines, I already have a best friend. I have someone who already loves me and whom I love. I find it rather pointless to go on dates when I already have that. Why try again? Start at ground zero? It took us two years to get to this point. I'd rather stick with what I have than go through all that time to make a new best friend.
• I wish that when I am sitting alone somewhere that I had a neon sign that says "Leave me alone. I don't want to talk to you." But no, apparently my headphones and staring at the computer screen with a textbook and notebooks sitting next to me AND completely avoiding eye contact aren't enough.
• Sometimes I really hate the university I attend because everyone (all the girls) have to look so much prettier than me all the time. I feel like they get all the attention from the cute boys. I feel like I'd have an easier time liking someone and being willing to go on a date with them if they're cute. Guess I have to get them to look at me first.

I know this post may seem very pessimistic and unnecessary. I do have to say this: that I wouldn't mind dating. I wouldn't mind having a boyfriend because frankly, it sucks to have your best friend halfway across the world. I'll be the first one to admit I miss holding hands, cuddling and things like that. I'd like to find that again. But it seems rather impossible seeing as I've only been attracting short, unattractive nerds.

Does that sound completely wrong? Rude? Offensive? Maybe. But I really just needed to get that out.

I miss having all the things that dating and having a best friend brings. It seems like a daunting task to start all over with someone else when I know I have what other people spend forever looking for.

I think that's all I had to say. This may be updated, so check back to see if it is. Thanks for listening to me rant.

kiwi.

his new little name for me.

I can't help but giggle and grin every time I think about it. He's so cute. :)